03 06 2012 : helping

i love installing momentum. i love the problem solving. i love the time with each piece admiring, or wondering what the hell was this artist thinking. all of it is very rewarding for me. this install, overall, is going very smoothly. and i've had more help than at times i have been able to use, which is an embarrassment of riches. and while there are certainly elements to installing that are challenging, like how artists wire (or don't wire) their work or space constraints, the biggest challenge is overthinking. there are certainly other challenges but somethings are certainly better left unwritten. leave something to the imagination, you know?

anyway. art started to go up yesterday. i'm full force on hanging art today until i must stop to have a studio visit with a curator about my concept ok proposal. i'm very excited about that. and confident. and thinking super positive thoughts for my fellow finalist, sarah hearn. yay us!

i will be happy to have a solid night's sleep. wonder when i can expect that to happen again.

03 05 2012 : today is the day

i am anxious about today. so much stuff has to get done in a limited amount of time. so, i will be practicing square breathing as much as possible to keep my mind focused. in in in in out out out out in in in in out out out out. we'll see how that turns out. i am optimistic, but also a little on edge. i guess amped might be a good description.

but i am ready for the week. i am ready for my studio visit on wednesday. i am ready for all the deliveries i have to make next weekend. i am ready for next tuesday. i am ready to strike momentum next wednesday. look at me go. ready.

woo.

03 04 2012 : too

i woke up feeling a little overwhelmed this morning. there really isn't a reason to be overwhelmed. but sometimes our emotional brains get the better of us, don't they? so i am trying to focus on breathing. and realizing that everything is perfectly fine.

making potato soup in my crock pot. paid some bills. calm. calm.

everything is going to be okay. i should be getting the halfway payment from the state for the public art piece any month now. any month now.

i don't know why i am freaking out. everything is so super.

03 03 2012 : ouch

for the amount of physical labor i have done the past two days, i can't believe i am not more sore, but i am sore, for sure. didn't stop me from going to yoga this morning. busy day prepping pegs for walls. but tonight rob and i are going to the philharmonic to hear rachel barton pine play. we sat in her dress rehearsal last night. she is amazing. i'm totally in awe.

get. to. work. now.

03 02 2012 : move that wall

moving the ovac walls to the farmer's market today was great. and i am exhausted. oh my that was really hard. my left arm failed me at one point. i am so happy they are there though. and then they get painted and that will be awesome. i could punch the person who patched the holes in the walls last time they were used however. people who don't know how to apply wood filler efficiently shouldn't apply wood filler.

found out i am a finalist for the paseo feast today. there is some stiff competition however. holy guacamole it is going to be competitive.

must lay still for a minute before i have to get ready for tonight.

03 01 2012 : build that wall

spent the day building walls with two volunteers, carl and bill, for ovac. it was a good busy hard work kind of day. the guys were fun to hang out with. i learned a lot. and now ovac has 50 walls! woo hoo!

now i need to figure out how many pedestals we need for momentum. yowza.

back to work.

02 29 2012 : leap day

leap days are interesting, aren't they? such a rarity. makes me think of the ray bradbury short story summer in a day. it has been a lovely day. my face still hurts.

my skin is still ick. i got out of the house though and ran some important errands today. i can tell from the look on some people's faces though that this rash is unnerving. my face started bleeding at target. awesome.

but it is getting better. it still is super tight and so sore and difficult to talk. it's worse when i smile or god forbid laugh. but it is getting better. skin is starting to peel. there are no more white pustules. i stopped using the apple cider vinegar as a toner. and i bought a new moisturizer today by california baby called calendula cream. i'm certainly not planning to use it on the affected area immediately, but i will have to resume some kind of normalcy with a skin care routine. i mean, i love the oil and all, but it's so not sustainable. and it's not easy getting oil out of fabric.

sarah sent me an awesome link (here: http://www.alsearsmd.com/heal-your-wounds-the-sweet-way/) about sugar and honey as a healing remedy. thanks sarah. i have honey on my face right now. it burns like fire, but i am hopeful that means my skin is doing some awesome regenerative thing. i love honey.

02 28 2012 : itchy itchy itchy

i had a hard time sleeping last night because the itching is so awful. i see a nap in my immediate future. the swelling is outrageous. this is, by far, the most sustained pain i have ever felt. if only it were just discomfort. but this is just painful. i am doubling my ibuprofen intake. i see the end in sight though. i know it's getting better. i know it. i know it with all that is good and right with the world. i hope.

a whole list of things are happening simultaneously and i find that i am shifting focus every five minutes. currently i am working on: 1) new skin for my face, 2) momentum, 3) oac grant reviews, 4) myriad gardens inaugural exhibition, and 5) the karper piece. i hope to find a calm today that sustains me for the weeks to come.

and what i learned yesterday is that if you need a photo of something that is lime in color, your best bet is to photograph an actual lime.

oh the ibuprofen is kicking in. ahhhh. sweet relief.

back to work.

02 27 2012 : waaaaaaaa

it's difficult to really assess whether my rash is getting better or worse or staying the same. when i woke up this morning, i thought it might have actually improved, but after taking a shower and meeting amy for breakfast, by the time i got home my face felt worse than it has yet. the tightness, the burning, and now the peeling. (gross!) i guess peeling is a good sign. it's hard to know. there are more white pustules. the only thing that i find comfort in is a plain yogurt spread across my face. the cooling feels nice. many of the forums about perioral dermatitis mention using plain yogurt as a mask. there is no indication that the yogurt will hurt. so. as of yesterday afternoon, here's my hope-this-is-helping-routine: plain yogurt mask - wash with sls free face wash for normal skin - 50/50 apple cider vinegar/water as toner (ouch) - mixture of vitamin e oil/grapeseed oil/one drop of lavender oil as moisturizer.

i have a raw open infection on my face. it's so painful.

the good news that i don't have to leave my house right now. so i can sit at my desk with yogurt on my face and sew on the karper piece. and that is super awesome! hooray!

back to work.

02 26 2012 : perioral dermatitis

on thursday, i took a big step in skin care.

for over a year, i have been treating a rash on my face with a prescription cream called elocon. i have had this cream in a cool dry place since 1999, the last time i had a rash like this around my mouth. when the rash showed up again last winter, i found the cream in my drug drawer, and started applying it on the affected areas as i did in 1999. and the cream was kind of keeping the rash at bay. i think most people who saw me in the past year wouldn't have known i was dealing with a rash. it was certainly subtle and having freckled skin helps camouflage irregularities. but what happened is that the rash would just move around, which forced me to apply the cream to a larger area. and then the rash would go further, and the cream would go further. and if i missed a day, holy cow, bigger and redder and more and more rashy rashiness. and so... yeah... i realize i should have taken action sooner, but i was really avoiding a problem. hi problem. nice to meet you. i am going to kick your ass.

on thursday i finally admitted to myself that i can't continue this expired cream usage long term. first, the cream i have will run out one day. second, there has to be a better treatment than chasing a rash around my mouth and nose. so, i put out a call on facebook for a dermatologist recommendation. one name popped up three times, which is pretty remarkable i thought. i called to see about the cost of an office visit. $120. and no thank you.

i started researching face rashes on the internet. and after reading almost everything that i could find, i know what this rash is. it's perioral dermatitis. it seems to be a pretty straightforward case of it too.

two of the many things i have learned about perioral dermatitis so far: 1) elocon while keeping it subdued, was actually contributing to the problem overall. awesome. 2) the medical treatment includes some kind of topical non-steroid cream and a multi-MONTH cycle of antibiotics.

two or three months of antibiotics are not what i would really consider an option. i remember taking antibiotics for this back in 1999 with the elocon. and it did go away. but it isn't a permanent cure and that isn't a sustainable long term treatment, should this come back again in a year. i mean, knowing what i know now about long term use of antibiotics, i see this as the very very very last resort. if all else fails, i will go to the $120 dermatologist and do what is prescribed. until then, i'm pursuing homeopathic remedies.

so, i've been reading and reading on forums and message boards and healthcare websites and natural remedy websites all sorts of interesting facts and opinions about treating perioral dermatitis. i've stopped using the face scrub i have used twice a day for years, as high on the list of advice is to eliminate any scrubbing and anything with sodium lauryl sulfate. in fact, it is advised by many to only wash my face with water. i can't bring myself to that. i've stopped using the very heavy moisturizer i have used for almost eighteen months because also highly advised is to stop using heavy creams which seem to contribute significantly to the problem. i have very dry skin. very.

what i have read about the treatment of perioral dermatitis is that it will get worse before it gets better. and that isn't a lie. in three days it has only gotten worse and worse and worse. each morning i wake to feel and see a much worse condition. i cannot believe how uncomfortable it is and how awful my skin feels and the bumps and the redness... it's really awful. however, with that said, it could be worse. and i know that. and it's not contagious. so that is good news.

the bad news is that while many people agree on some of the causes, there doesn't seem to be any one specific cause. it could be hormonal, as it affects women pretty exclusively. it could be bacterial/fungal/viral, but there is no solid evidence that it is any of these and it could be different from person to person. it could be calcium deficiency from hypothyroidism. it could be a reaction to a skin trauma that doesn't know how to properly heal itself. it could be heavy creams. it could be sodium laureth sulfate. it could be fluoride. it could be make-up, although in my case, it is not make up. it could be dietary. it could be environmental. it could be it could be it could be.

so what i am doing is this: using a gentle facial cleanser for normal skin that has no sls, the second ingredient of the face wash after water is coconut oil. as a moisturizer i am using coconut oil. i have read repeatedly that this is an excellent moisturizer, it's anti-inflamatory and most like the oil our own skin produces. it smells good, but my skin still feels tight and dry. i am taking a multi-vitamin, a b/c vitamin, and a calcium supplement. i quit drinking alcohol. i am eating yogurt every day. i am cutting back on glutens. and i am going to stop touching my face except for when i am washing and moisturizing. i am also going to be wearing my hair back. and while i really love my foamy minty toothpaste, i am going to a natural fluoride-free, sls-free toothpaste. bleck.

it may take a week or two, or a month or two, but i am confident that i will find a balance that will return my skin to normal. i am searching for the sustainable solution. i hope i find it sooner than later.

i should have started with a photo on the first day to show the stages. i didn't. i think there are plenty of photos of perioral dermatitis on the web, and i don't need to contribute more. but i probably will continue to talk about this until it subsides. while i feel silly and somewhat vain in being so focused on this, more than anything it is so amazingly uncomfortable. it's like the entire area from my nostrils to my chin are being stretched and burned simultaneously. it's really hard to not think about.

okay. time to work.

02 24 2012 : spark

last night i got to talk to a group of photographers about fine art photography and art in general and it was super fun. there was a woman there who i used to work with ten years ago. we chatted for a while. it was nice to catch up and see her. i was so surprised. and thrilled. at the end, after i had finished my presentation and a few people were still hanging out, she told me i seemed different than when she knew me, that i was more tame. she said i used to have a presence in the room and now my style, my clothes, my hair, even my glasses are so subdued. so subdued. she said i don't have the same spark that i used to have.

sigh.

02 23 2012 : floor plans

floor plans are fun. i worked on floor plans for momentum for a long time yesterday. in the midst of working at my new computer station and at my dining room table, i realize neither are designed for long term comfort of my neck or back. ouch.

making kung pao chick'n today. then i have a presentation to give to a group tonight. woo. should be fun. talking photography always is.

oh, and it's day two of operation coconut oil. curious to see how this plays out.

02 22 2012 : wireless printing

so in the midst of the reorganization of my house, i have moved my computer from my dining room table to a shelf desk. i had a set of five leaning bookshelves in the dining room, one of those five is actually a desk. i moved three of the bookshelves and the one leaning desk shelf into the living room. and the computer moved with it. i was able to reorganize the items on my bookshelves, declutter, reassign space. somethings got displaced in the move. for example, on the large shelf that my computer now sits, once lived my pile o'receipts, every receipt for something that is tax deductible was in a large pile. now it's in a giant tupperware bin waiting for me to sort through and organize for income tax returns. displaced for a while. i'll get to it, eventually. blah. what am i talking about? oh right. organization.

so my computer moved into the living room and my dining room table is a dining room table again. well, right ow it's an art holding station, but still, the electronic equipment is off that table. and the printer went into my stu stu studio. and now i can print wirelessly. thanks to rob giving me his old airport express and the technical guidance of barney, i am able to sit in the living room and send data through the air to my printer. if i think about it too long, it will freak my brain out.

so with this newly acquired printing skill set, i am going to start planning installation in the momentum space, complete with a printed blue print of the space. the spotlight artists need for walls is hardcore. there will be strategery involved. good thing i'm really good at strategery.

02 21 2012 : stu stu studio

i have been so hard at work rearranging the contents of my house, purging, binging, all of it. i am not finished, but i must stop. because other work has to happen. i could spend another week or so fine tuning, micro-cleaning, and oh my god, there's still whole areas that remain untouched. but the studio is 85% done and the living room is 67% done and the dining room is 74% done. that will have to do.

now that i have gotten so much newly situated in my house, i only need to get my printer working wirelessly and i can get to printing and sewing. i have a shared studio visit with sarah hearn and julie maguire at 2 today, which will set me on the path towards making work for the jrb show in september. i am fixed on the color green. i wonder if that will work for the space.

back. to. work. now.

02 11 2012 : bye

i threw away fourteen pieces of art today. i gave away six. i did.

02 10 2012 : one track mind

good news. jenny's tumor on her spine has not changed or grown in three months. it's still tiny. they are going to look at it again in six months, but for now, no surgery. hooray!

today i got all my documentation off to the public art folks for approval so i can move forward with the next step. hooray!

i have several projects that i need to start on/finish asap, however, today i started the one week project of cleaning my house for final and for good. minus the garage. because that doesn't count. how i started: i took two tvs, three dvd players, one very old printer, a cassette tape deck, two massive very old suitcases, and ben's toybox which i have had for five years to the salvation army drop site. i went to target and lowe's looking for shelving, but wasn't really satisfied with the choices. tomorrow, i'll spend more time doing that. i'd like to find the ideal permanent shelving solution for the white room. and that is tricky. but worth it.

goal is to get everything everything everything art related organized and situated in the white room so that i don't have any of it in my dining room, living room, or kitchen. shelving is essential.

what i realized today is that i am super one-track minded. i can multi task. and very effectively at that. i don't not enjoy doing multi-tasking at times. i can juggle multiple projects easily. but my preference is start, do, complete, next. if only i could really operate that way.

02 09 2012 : know your audience

tuesday, mid-afternoon, i had an epiphany, nothing i didn't already know, but a nice reminder to work towards: know your audience. and with that rattling around in my empty head, i started the public art piece over. it makes me sad it took so long to settle into that. but i figured it out and figured out what i am doing. by the end of tuesday, i was reprinted. and yesterday i was able to get almost halfway through the sewing. if i did nothing but sew today, i could get it finished. however, i have other things that must be done today. so i'm sure i will finish tomorrow. which is great! tomorrow is great. totally on track. very happy about that. then just the suite of five photographs to resolve. anytime i think about the suite of five, i worry i will need to reshoot. i have ideas for a shoot, but the weather isn't cooperating. i will worry about this another day. time to sew.

02 07 2012 : cheesy romantic comedies

i did not find any cheesy romantic comedies to watch yesterday. so i watched parks and recreation all day on netflix. i do love that show.

made vegetarian chili yesterday, which was delicious. and sewed. all day. until i couldn't take any more. and today, minus one phone appointment, i will be sewing until yoga tonight.

i had a dream about this piece this morning. it's the dream i woke up to. in my dream this piece was brilliant and inspired. and it looked amazing. that's something to think about.

time to sew.

02 06 2012 : kids i know

sewing together photos with children on them. it's not coming to me very easily. i'm about 1/3 of the way through the public art piece. i feel good about the composition and the photos. but it's still a struggle to not want to use more color blocks. i'd love to be finished with this by friday and have it off to the framer. that would rock my socks off.

this piece is all i worked on yesterday: printing, assembling, sewing. that is all i am working on today. i'd like to get 13 hours in. my car isn't here, so it's easy to not be too distracted by the lure of other places.

hope i can find enough cheesy romantic comedies on netflix to entertain my day away.

02 05 2012 : progress

art now is done. hooray!

full time and attention on creating art starts in five... four... three... two...

02 03 2012 : hey look! it's kinda like winter outside!

so grey and chilly outside this morning, it makes me think we might actually experience a little winter this winter.

art now comes down this afternoon. i'll be happy to be finished.

got a green light on my composition of the sewn piece for the public art project, so now i just need to finalize my photo choices and start sewing.

opening reception for i heart you is tonight. hooray! i hope one or both of the rob's sell. that would be awesome.

and it's kelsey's birthday! hooray! happy happy birthday kelsey! can't wait to celebrate at your potluck dinner tonight!

02 02 2012 : unsolicited advice

no one wants unsolicited advice. i know that. but oh how i want to offer some. alas, i will hold my tongue. because who am i? i am not the authority. here's what i know: 1) i know no one wants unsolicited advice. 2) i know enough to know i don't know better, i just know different. really... really, i don't know anything. i know nothing. well, maybe i know a couple of things. and maybe they are things that are worth sharing, at that. but i am going to eat a heaping spoonful of shut the fuck up and move forward. hooray!

hooray!

02 01 2012 : 1030

lucy, alice and george kindly allowed me to take photos of them yesterday. so i took 1030 photos. it was fun. we went to the park. then had dinner and then had ice cream. i hope there is something in there i can use for the public art work that i'm working on. making art that includes photos of children that isn't cheesy is very difficult.

01 30 2012 : long winter's nap

i saw a friend friday night who asked me what i was doing during the weekend. and then as soon as she asked, she answered for me, "nothing." i was shocked. and for a few of reasons. first, who does nothing? are there people who do nothing? i can't imagine. second, i don't know the last time i had nothing to do. third, do you know me? clearly, if she thinks i would be doing nothing, she doesn't. maybe she did nothing. nothing sounds like a road to dullsville. anyway, no. i didn't do nothing. i did a lot. and had a great date with rob on top of all of it. we had dinner at ludivine and saw haywire. i love rob. (sigh.)

so one of the things i did was gather my source material for the public art sewn piece. i sat in front of my computer all day yesterday. all day. thirteen hours in front of my computer screen. it was necessary and awful and hopefully i have all that i need for this piece and won't have to wade through photos like that again. i was absolutely exhausted by 7:30 and went to bed just for the change in scenery. and slept until eight this morning. i guess i was really really tired. while there is something profoundly satisfying about laying down and waking up twelve hours later, i am always a little annoyed with myself for allowing that to happen. alas. i got a lot of sleep. and i'm ready for a busy day of assembling and sewing.

oh, and this morning i heard from julie about the jrb september show and i will be in the ship gallery which is larger than i had anticipated. but awesome. so excited. as soon as i finish the public art piece, i am totally on that ship gallery like ink on paper. mmm. monochromatic.

first, the grocery store.

01 27 2012 : 2013

i just booked an exhibit for september 2013. and i smell coffee. but i haven't made coffee. am i having a seizure?

today is a super art day. finish the robs for framing. deliver one six zero to okcmoa for the omelette party. go see clint stone's exhibit at the lightwell with sarah hearn. tonight, go to john jernigan's reception downtown then go to sarah hearn's reception at ocu.

why do i smell coffee?